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Real: Fangs ripping open the neck of a whore, sucking out her blood until she's a shriveled up corpse.
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.

Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.

Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.

Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.

Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.

Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."

Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lonesome self.
Twilight: Still lives at home with mom and dad.

Real: Rapes women.
Twilight: Practices abstinence.

Real: Slumbers during the day and hunts at night.
Twilight: Goes to high school during the day and plays baseball at night.

Real: Ends in tragedy.
Twilight: "And they lived happily ever after."
Writen for the Unseen Writers weekly theme: Oppisites.
I figured, what better oppisites than real or traditional vampires and the sparkly faeries of twilight.

Comments?
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:iconapril227:
april227 Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Student Artist
that is so true about twilight
Reply
:iconpolkadottedpolkadots:
polkadottedpolkadots Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014
"real" vampires. 
Reply
:icondvartgal13:
DvArtGal13 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014
ME GUSTA 
:megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: :megusta: 
Reply
:iconi-am-a-fangirl:
i-am-a-fangirl Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i am a twilight fan... and i find that funny :)
Reply
:iconmidoriaoki:
MidoriAoki Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Man, I'm proud of you. I couldn't do that better. :3
Reply
:iconpsychokiller21:
Psychokiller21 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
Let's get back he days when if real vampires existed, Edward and his whole family would be killed for being a disgrace to his own race. 
Reply
:iconblackecho-guardian:
BlackEcho-Guardian Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I literally laughed so hard when I read this!!! Laughing my ass off! 
Reply
:iconxeonartomega:
XeonartOmega Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I heard Edward got raped....by a little girl
Reply
:icontheshipperoflove:
theshipperoflove Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Bwahahahahaha! XD
Reply
:iconmizosazai:
Mizosazai Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013
real vampire don't sparkle!! because real vampire have to be badass, not cute teenage boys!!
reading this made me veery happy ^_^
Reply
:icontheaverageone:
TheAverageOne Featured By Owner May 12, 2013
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconpsychokiller21:
Psychokiller21 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
How I felt
Reply
:iconondarkwings:
OnDarkWings Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol someone finally said it. thank you
Reply
:iconsorcorer:
Sorcorer Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
I love this comparison. PRICELESS!!!
Reply
:iconaquosboost:
AquosBoost Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This is just me, but I'd rather have my neck ripped open and my shrivelled corpse be turned into a trophy of fear than fall in love with Edwart Cunten.
Reply
:iconblackbloodrose1:
Blackbloodrose1 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
no it's not just you
Reply
:iconaquosboost:
AquosBoost Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Oh. OK.
Reply
:iconsothiraaa:
sothiraaa Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha! True true. :3
Reply
:iconblackbloodrose1:
Blackbloodrose1 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
The truth is so right.
Reply
:iconbiologist-88-vhemt:
Biologist-88-Vhemt Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
Real: Vlad Tepes ''the impaler''.
Twilight: justin GAYber (or worst).
Reply
:iconloxl:
Loxl Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
I love this! So awesome. Twilight is to vampire fiction what Justin Bieber is to music (Disclaimer: Imho. >_> ). Awesome piece you have here!

I'm actually the admin of a small writing forum. Maybe you could stop by and say hi. We are a great group of writers who like to share thoughts and ideas. Mostly, we are just nice people who like to make new friends while we work on our writing. You can find us here: [link] Hope you can stop by. Smile Oh, and sorry if this seemed like spam, even if you don't stop by, keep up the great work. I'll definitely be back to read more of your stuff.
Reply
:icondarqfangofseido:
DarqfangofSeido Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Writer
Damn straight.
Reply
:iconheldric:
Heldric Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Real vampires: Still a better love story than twilight.
Reply
:iconbrony4life3452:
brony4life3452 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
At least there are SOME sane people left in this world.
Reply
:iconloxl:
Loxl Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
Amen to this. I miss Count Dracula. He'd whip these whippersnapper young'un vampires into shape in no time! >:(
Reply
:iconheartsneverbreak:
HeartsNeverBreak Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
haha I like the word whippersnapper. Thanks!
Reply
:iconloxl:
Loxl Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Haha, no prob. Keep up the good work! :D
Reply
:iconpepleen:
pepleen Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012
true
Reply
:iconluna-the-nightblade:
Luna-the-Nightblade Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
love it
Reply
:iconheartsneverbreak:
HeartsNeverBreak Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
thx
Reply
:iconwerewolf-vamp96:
werewolf-vamp96 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
You are the first person to put it so perfectly
Reply
:iconheartsneverbreak:
HeartsNeverBreak Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012
thanks
Reply
:iconpurple--pandah:
Purple--Pandah Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Student Artist
this is epic XD!!
Reply
:iconchristyg42:
ChristyG42 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012
haha Your opinion is harshly one-sided and unfactual in some instances :D So you really glory in the fact that your favourite vampires rape?
Reply
:iconimmoral-immortal:
Immoral-Immortal Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
Uh Oh you've upset a twihard.
Reply
:iconheartsneverbreak:
HeartsNeverBreak Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012
Yes, yes I do. They aren't suppose to be caring creatures. But Smeyers turned them into polar bears; she's turned something that would gladly rip your face off into a teddy bear.
Reply
:iconvenezuala27:
Venezuala27 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
oh my gawd i despise twilight posers. Real Vampires all the way!! :3
Reply
:iconchipples19:
chipples19 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
TEAM EDWARD!! ELRIC!!
Reply
:iconarynos:
Arynos Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011
If by 'Faeries' you mean "sparkly abecrombie leaches" then yes.
Reply
:iconseeing-intechnicolor:
Seeing-inTechnicolor Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ME GUSTA.
Reply
:iconmadshad124:
madshad124 Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Student Writer
i think you got the wrong idea ^.^
we dont burn in the sun, nor suck blood,
nor sleep all day
nor a blood thirst beast
NOR suffer for love
...we also like garlic
Reply
:iconiwuzheer69:
iwuzheer69 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
You forgot one:

Real: Turns into a bat
Twilight: Turns into a pale, wet dream for a teenage girl.

Otherwise, this is awesome xD
Reply
:iconlittlekatt:
LittleKatt Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011   General Artist
I like ! XD
Reply
:iconiwuzheer69:
iwuzheer69 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
LOL Glad you do :XD:
Reply
:iconlittlekatt:
LittleKatt Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011   General Artist
Me, too.
Reply
:iconiwuzheer69:
iwuzheer69 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
:XD:
Reply
:iconlavender-demoness:
Lavender-demoness Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011
Yeah... I prefer Twilight to the real vampires.
Reply
:icondee-da-dee:
Dee-Da-Dee Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL.
Reply
:iconheartsneverbreak:
HeartsNeverBreak Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2011
(:
Reply
:iconjinxye:
Jinxye Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
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