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Literature Text
Real: Fangs ripping open the neck of a whore, sucking out her blood until she's a shriveled up corpse.
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.
Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.
Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.
Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.
Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.
Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."
Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lonesome self.
Twilight: Still lives at home with mom and dad.
Real: Rapes women.
Twilight: Practices abstinence.
Real: Slumbers during the day and hunts at night.
Twilight: Goes to high school during the day and plays baseball at night.
Real: Ends in tragedy.
Twilight: "And they lived happily ever after."
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.
Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.
Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.
Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.
Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.
Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."
Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lonesome self.
Twilight: Still lives at home with mom and dad.
Real: Rapes women.
Twilight: Practices abstinence.
Real: Slumbers during the day and hunts at night.
Twilight: Goes to high school during the day and plays baseball at night.
Real: Ends in tragedy.
Twilight: "And they lived happily ever after."
Literature
Sparkly-vampire-guys
"Sparkly-vampire-guys" (a "Fireflies" by: Owl City parody)
I wouldn't have believed my eyes
If a vampire with sparkly thighs
Watched me at night as I fell asleep
And now they fill the open air
And create twitards everywhere
You'd think me crazy, and
Probably just stand and stare.
I'd like to make myself believe
That sparkly vampire fads fade quickly...
It's hard to say that I think I
Have to stay awake when I should sleep,
Cause sometimes I'm afraid sparkly stalkers might watch me...
Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand man-hookers and thugs
As they tried to teach me how to use a lance.
A net above my window,
A ta
Literature
He Is Not An Edward.
He is not an Edward.
He doesn't stare at me every minute he is with me.
Or smell my hair and watch me sleep.
Won't follow me, like a lost puppy,
Sometimes, he'll even walk away.
He doesn't love me for my faults,
It's in spite of them.
He'll notice pretty girls, even think of
past lovers
When he laughs at me, it's because I'm silly,
Not cute
Or Perfect.
The thought of me getting hurt does not bring tears to his eyes.
He would not die if I died,
He is not an Edward.
And I am not a Bella.
We are real.
Our love is real.
And that,
Is more important, and genuine
Than idealistic, impossible fantasies.
Screw Edward.
Literature
The Greatest Fic Ever
One day, the Roarschack was walking randomly down the street when this random stranger jumped out in front of him and said, "Walter, i am a mysterious girl from your past who has now grown up into a beautiful young woman and i am secretly a vigilante and we need to be together because we're both vigilantes and we're both liek rlly messed up and we complete each other in our mutual messed-uppedness."
"Rrrraaaarlllll," said the Roarschack.
Hideously rejected, the mysterious and bootiful young woman then went to hogwhutz.
"Pruffesser Snope," she said, "I am Voldermort's secret daughter that no one knew about and also Harry Potter's dark twin
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Writen for the Unseen Writers weekly theme: Oppisites.
I figured, what better oppisites than real or traditional vampires and the sparkly faeries of twilight.
Comments?
I figured, what better oppisites than real or traditional vampires and the sparkly faeries of twilight.
Comments?
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Comments1368
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"Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire."
That trope was created for the movie Nosferatu as a cop-out because the writers couldn't think of a better way to kill off Orlok.
OG vampires like Dracula and Carmilla had no such weakness, and could often go about during the day (albeit with none of their powers).