literature

Real Vampires Vs. Twlight

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HeartsNeverBreak's avatar
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Literature Text

Real: Fangs ripping open the neck of a whore, sucking out her blood until she's a shriveled up corpse.
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.

Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.

Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.

Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.

Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.

Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."

Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lonesome self.
Twilight: Still lives at home with mom and dad.

Real: Rapes women.
Twilight: Practices abstinence.

Real: Slumbers during the day and hunts at night.
Twilight: Goes to high school during the day and plays baseball at night.

Real: Ends in tragedy.
Twilight: "And they lived happily ever after."
Writen for the Unseen Writers weekly theme: Oppisites.
I figured, what better oppisites than real or traditional vampires and the sparkly faeries of twilight.

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AacornSoup's avatar

"Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire."

That trope was created for the movie Nosferatu as a cop-out because the writers couldn't think of a better way to kill off Orlok.

OG vampires like Dracula and Carmilla had no such weakness, and could often go about during the day (albeit with none of their powers).